Forgiveness: Is it ever too late?

Have you ever said those words to yourself? It's too late!?

You roll up to a restaurant only to find they've already taken their last order. You start your online grocery order only to find the time you wanted is already taken. You forget a birthday and can't get a gift in time. Someone apologizes for hurting you only to be met with a blank stare.

Time is a very tricky thing. In one instance, it hardly means anything when you compare it to eternity. From another perspective, it seems to determine everything.

I was reading an article today about a sexual harassment case. Part of the resolution was for the company to issue an apology to the victim. In response to the apology she received, she said, "It was too late." The company apologized to her but not the actual offenders.

Yet, for her sake, I wanted her to be able to accept that apology.

Not because they deserved her forgiveness. She need not show the world she is a bigger person, nor does she need to move on. I wanted her to accept that apology to keep from heading down Bitterness Cove. Unfortunately, deep down, I knew how she felt. I was in the same boat. They had apologized, but the apology was lackluster, and quite frankly, it was too late.

Forgiveness Boulevard & Bitterness Cove

Where Forgiveness Boulevard and Bitterness Cove meet, I sit quietly. I visit this crossroad daily. Sometimes I venture down Bitterness Cove, unbeknownst to myself. I started wandering around in my pain, and when I looked up, I was in the very affluent neighborhood of Bitterness Cove.

I have plenty of company, and I'm not sure I want to leave. The houses are spaced a hefty distance apart, and there are plenty of people. In Bitterness Cover, we acknowledge one another but never get too close.

On other days, I'm acutely aware that I'm approaching this crossroad. I make a conscious effort to get on Forgiveness Boulevard. The boulevard is a little rocky, and I trip every now and then. But I never reach an affluent neighborhood, and the people here are different.

Everyone's a little beat up but still moving. We laugh and cry together, and though there are many houses, there aren't a lot of people. There is enough space for everyone to grow, but not so much space that it becomes lonely.

As I finished reading that article, I felt myself running down Bitterness Cove. I had not left my seat, but I was indeed moving faster than I would care to admit.

This was fascinating because I despise running. Seriously, it's not something I would choose to do.

When are people going to stop doing things that I will have to forgive? And why does it take so long to offer a genuine apology?

By now, you may be wondering, where are you going with this? Well, I'm going to tell you what you already know. The process of forgiveness is for you. Its purpose is to protect your inner beauty, character, morals, ethics, and relationship with God.

Yes, it is true that it is easier said than done. I agree with you. Thankfully, we have the Holy Spirit to assist us. God understands our anguish and is well aware of our limitations.

Every day you have to make an effort to stay away from bitterness. Although we know forgiveness to be an intentional decision, I can't deny that it's followed by a long (sometimes lifelong) journey.

The alternative to Forgiveness Boulevard is Bitterness Cove. Despite your best efforts, your words will cut to the spirit, and you will overflow with negativity. The pain will get worse every day without your permission. You will eventually find yourself lacking self-control and enraged without being provoked.

One of the enemy's tricks is to tell you part of the truth without explaining all the consequences. Yes, you have every right to be upset, hurt, disappointed, and seek retribution. And no, it wouldn't bother you in the least if you saw them suffer. (Okay, maybe this is just me.)

But the pain remains at the end of it all. How their actions affect your life may not be removed, and any release you would get seeing them suffer is often short-lived. Much like the bitterness, nothing will have really changed. You won't be protected, not really. There's a good chance your problems have now multiplied.

Things to Consider

1. We cannot be forgiven unless we first forgive (Mark 11:26). I know this is crazy, but it's not my rule. This is a complaint you have to take up with God. Bitterness causes our spiritual armor to crack, a crack the enemy is very aware of.
2. Bitterness allows you to forget about your sins against God and creates space for pride. Once you enter the affluent neighborhood of Bitterness Cove, you might want to buy land and build a house. How will you be able to see that you need forgiveness when you're surrounded by signs that tell you otherwise? In the end, bitterness can make you a victim for life.

Walk with Me

This will be corny, but bear with me. I, Yolande, do not want this for you. I know we don't know each other personally, and I'm not going to pretend to know your struggle. However, as someone who not only bought a house but also started a business in the City of Bitterness, it's not worth it.

Every relationship I had was tainted by bitterness. My perspective on people, nature, and God became distorted. Spiritually numb, I became an easy target for the devil. This is not something I want for you. I want you to have everything God set aside for you; you deserve better than bitterness.

If you find yourself at the intersection of Forgiveness Boulevard and Bitterness Cove, choose the neighborhood of forgiveness.

No, the pain will not go away immediately; the anger will accompany you, as will the tears, sleepless nights, and hypervigilance. But spiritually, you would have exposed that crack in your armor to the Holy Spirit.

He will seal it up, making it impenetrable to the enemy. As a result, you will have spared your family, loved ones, strangers, and yourself decades of hurt.

If you find yourself on Bitterness Cove, turn back. Don't stay. Choose with me. Every day, let's get on Forgiveness Boulevard. We'll limp, crawl, or carry each other.

Is it just me who struggles with forgiveness? Because this is truly for the birds, I'll be praying for all of us.

Until Next Time,

I love You